I Have a Parasite and an Excuse

Ok, I don't really know for sure if I have a parasite or not but right now it's the only probable explanation for what's going on with me right now. I have been sick as a dog and unable to concentrate over the migraines and stomach pains I am currently experiencing. I know, "Boo Hoo Baby Billy." Ok, I'll stop whining and get to the point; I promised you funion with onions and here it is. No pictures, like I said I'm sick. I promise more to come but it's totally not Martha to promise something and not follow through. So here we go...

Onion eggs are a little more tricky than beets but still fairly simple. Peel off the dry, papery skin of the onion (you can ask your grocer if you can grab a bunch of the loose skins that are already peeling off. I normally search through the onions and pick up the stray, large pieces of skin. If you know your grocer or produce supplier well, they might even save these for you, just ask and see what they are willing to do. I typically save the skins from my onions throughout the year, leaving them on the kitchen counter overnight to dry out before putting in an airtight container for storage.) You will also need cheese cloth and twist ties. Cut the cheese cloth into squares that are large enough to wrap around the egg completely with an inch or so extra. Lay one of these squares flat in the palm of your hand and place a large piece of the onion skin in the center. Stand the raw or blown out egg inside of the peel and wrap tightly. If you're onion skin is not large enough you can piece together smaller bits or leave some of the shell exposed. Wrap the cheese cloth tightly around the egg and use a twist tie to secure the end. Now in a large enamel or glass sauce pan fill with 5-8 cups of water and 2-4 tablespoons white vinegar. It's better to place the eggs in the sauce pan before filling it with water. If you are using blown out eggs place a dishtowel below the eggs and one above. The bottom towel will ensure that the eggs won't break and the top one will saturate the eggs and keep them submerged for the most part. If you are going to be hard boiling your eggs just drop and go. Bring to a boil and let roll for 8-12 minutes. Let cool and unwrap. Red onion turns brilliant magenta's and yellow becomes varying shades of gold and mustard. This is a fun and easy way to naturally dye eggs. If you find yourself in a bind or just want a fun new way to dye eggs this is a great, natural way to create stunning eggs.

Ok instead of a picture that is relevant I will share the glorious and gigantic goose eggs I bought from John's Live Poultry in Chicago. These of course have not been cleaned yet but they are still magnificent. To clean any egg first start with warm soap and water. I fill my sink with suds and scrub each egg with a sponge or acrylic Brillo pad. For tougher stains I like to use baking soda but you can also use vinegar. Vinegar will soften the shell so use sparingly. I'll scrub any soiled egg with a new, cheap tooth brush (I never understand why people demote they're old tooth brushes for cleaning. The bristles are damaged and won't really scrub anything. Just go out and buy a $0.99 toothbrush.) Sprinkle the baking soda over the stain and using a wet brush, gently scrub. Rinse all your eggs well because any residue will cause uneven dying.

Natural Dyes

Despite my advice, my pleas and warnings, you have waited till the last minute to get your egg dying supplies and now it's 8:15 PM, the friday before Easter, Jewel/Osco is out of food coloring and you're kids are crying because the Easter bunny procrastinated and said "they'll never run out of dye, it's impossible." Hey, IT'S POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT never fear Billy Stewart is here to save you!!! So you haven't any food coloring, so the ef what? You can still dye eggs this year. Head out to your grocery store's produce section grab some beets and some onions (red or yellow work best.) You can certainly find other fruits and vegetables but in the interest of time we will just stick with these. If you have a juicer, great and if not, fine we'll work with what you have. First juice the beets in an electric juicer. If you don't have a juicer, puree and press through a fine meshed sieve. Use 1/2 cup of the juice and add 1 tablespoon of vinegar. Now dye like you would with any regular food coloring based dye bath.

Tomorrow I will go over dying with onion skins. If you want to do this go get the dry skin of yellow or red onions. Ask your grocer if you can pick through the bin and grab all the loose skins or buy in bulk. Mince and dehydrate the onions you won't need over the next 2 weeks and save for a soup or stir fry. Also grab some twist ties and cheese cloth, I know I have to. So I'll see you all in the cheese cloth section and then back here tomorrow for onion funion... I'm sick so I can say lame things like that.

Are you clumsy like me?

If so then you have broken a few of your eggs by now. I hope you haven't thrown them away yet because you can still use them. Of course the broken eggs are you're favorites and the ones you spent the most time on... MINE ARE! Bah, oh well, like I said they can still be used and they will still look amazing and no one will be the wiser. It's this simple: Take the broken egg, fill it with grass or colored cotton (I like to use a contrasting color to make it stand out) and stick a little pom pom chick in it. That's it. If you have large pieces, set them around the egg to give the impression of a hatching chick. Scatter them throughout your baskets or fill a nest with them for a unique and creative centerpiece. Disasters can be treasures if you look hard enough.

Marbled Eggs

This technique produces some of the most interesting and elegant eggs and is one of the easiest to do. You can keep it simple and just marble plain white eggs or you can layer complimentary or contrasting dyes to create a stunning product. Pour a standard dye bath in a shallow receptacle ( a pie dish, casserole dish or high lipped dinner plate. Remember some metals react with vinegar so try to use glass or glazed dishes.) You'll want about 1/2" of the dye bathe so adjust the amount of water accordingly, as I have told you before, following the dye bath recipe exactly is completely unnecessary. As long as you have hot water, vinegar and dye, you'll be fine. Add in 1tsp- 2TBS of oil (canola, olive, vegetable, baby, whatever you have on hand is fine.) The more oil you add the more of the original color you will see (below is an example of plain white eggs that were run through the marble bath. The white spots occur because of the oil.)

It is possible to be too heavy handed with the oil and if you find that you in fact have too much oil in the dish, don't worry. Just take a paper towel and dip it into the oil spots. Repeat until you have removed enough oil. You can run a fork or whisk through the oil to break it up, making the negative (white) spaces smaller. After that, roll the egg around a few times until you are satisfied with the color and coverage. Then remove from the bath, blot with a paper towel and set aside to dry. So simple, right? These eggs will impress your friends and family. For my good friend Regina, I paired just a few marbeled eggs in a pine needle basket. The eggs started off green and orange and I ran them through contrasting dyes to get the various depths of color. They look incredible, not to toot my own horn but really... they do. Alright well get messy and get going.

Drips and Swirls

Rubber Cement is just one great material to add drips and swirls to any egg. It is easy to apply, fast drying and most importantly easy to use. I will often drip it over an egg or while the egg is securely attached to a bamboo skewer will spin the egg over a piece of wax paper and drip the rubber cement over, to create a thin, even swirl. One thing to watch out for is eggs touching each other. After the rubber cement is on the egg, do whatever you can to keep them apart. If they touch, they'll stick and bleed dye into those once crisp, clean lines. Other than that it's a sinch. Check out Toni's basket; I paired bright, festive colors with a cute tin bunny basket I found while thrift shopping. The basket needed a little clean up and some pale yellow grass. I love the uniform look of the design but with a mix a seasonal colors that make it pop.

Dying to Dye

Ready to start dying all those eggs you've prepared? GOOD! Now most everyone knows the basic 1/2 boiling water + 1teaspoon white vinegar + food coloring. Don't worry too much about that recipe, I never measure and always customize my colors. The best dye's to use are are higher quality gel dyes. It will take a little more stirring but the colors are richer and bolder and you won't regret the extra $2.00. Plus these dyes last for years and can be used in anything. Get a starter pack with a variety of colors or buy individual containers of dye. You can find Wilton and other gel and paste dyes at specialty stores and most crafting chains (Joann's, Michael's and Hobby Lobby.) If you're using hard boiled eggs all you have to do is starting dunking and dying. If you're using blown out eggs you're not quite there. I string the egg through a bamboo skewer and use a ball of sticky tack at both ends of the egg to keep it secure. I like to use the white sticky tack because after several uses, dye will mix into it and after awhile that dye will transfer to other eggs. The white just makes it easier to determine when to throw it away. Remember how I told you not use those foam egg carton but to save them? Well here's where they come in handy. As I go through stringing all my eggs on their own skewer, I stick them into the foam container to hold them until I am ready to dye. Once you're at this step just take your eggs and roll them through the dye bath, the skewers make it easy and then stick it back in the foam container to dry. This way you will have minimal if any flaws. Once they are dry remove them from the skewer and sticky tack. It's really that easy.

To create patterns and polka dots and stripes and plaids use tape and stickers and layer the dyes BUT let the egg dry completely before applying another color. Also it is important to only run the egg through the second, third, etc... bath for a few spins. If you leave it in too long the first application will run, ruining the color it is in and leaving the final color muddy. I'll go through and show exactly what I use and give examples of those techniques this weekend but for now you have the basics to get going. Experiment, have fun, make mistakes and of course make beautiful eggs!

Blowing Out Eggs

Remember being a kid and spending hours over the sink trying to blow out the contents of ONE EGG? Blowing out 30 dozen eggs may seem like a daunting task unless you know how to do it quickly and efficiently. All you'll need is; a Phillip's head screw driver, a baby nasal and ear bulb (found at any drugstore), a bowl or other receptacle for the egg and of course eggs.
Take an egg in your hand, I am right handed and hold the egg in my left and the screwdriver in my right. Hold the egg tight enough that it doesn't move around, firm yet tender. Using the tip of the screwdriver start to turn it back and forth while pressing into the egg. There is no need to make full rotations with the screwdriver, a back and forth motion will create a smooth hole.


















Martha suggests using an upholstery needle to "poke" a hole in it, I find I break more eggs this way and never have a neat, even looking hole. It is going to take a few broken eggs until you get the hang of it. "Drill" a hole in the top and the bottom of the egg, make sure it is large enough for the tip of the baby bulb. Next you will take that baby bulb and press it into the top of the hole.
















You are doing this to form an air tight seal between it and the egg, so only a little pressure is needed. Next pump away. The white and the yolk will all come out with 5-9 good squeezes over a bowl. Martha also recommends using a long piece of wire to "scramble" the yolk inside of the egg before ejecting but this process takes a considerable amount of time and for the most part I have 1-2 eggs break for every 24 due to the yolk. Most of the time these eggs would not have withstood the tests of time so no need to worry.


Throw the broken eggs into the compost heap and move on. You can save the egg contents for quiche, frittata, baking or anything else you might need egg for. I generally toss mine because there have been too many times I find a jar or two of egg guts in May, shoved to the back of the fridge and that is just not fun.

I recommend then washing the shell with a mild dish soap and purging any remaining residue with a couple squirts of warm water. Make sure all water is out of the egg and set in a PAPER egg carton to dry overnight. As I mentioned yesterday most On Sale eggs come in foam containers. These containers should never be used to dry eggs at any stage. They do not breathe and do not absorb moisture which is problematic when dying. The excess moisture will drip to the bottom and cause runs and blotches all over your finished egg. Also for some reason the foam likes to stick to the eggs and will leave your finished product marred and virtually useless in the end. So paper containers it is! The foam cartons will be used so don't toss them just yet.
Now you should have a couple dozen blown out in no time and we'll move on to dying tomorrow. Good luck and try not to get frustrated, you really will get the hang of it, just use a gentle yet deliberate hand and this process will roll on by.

Every Kind of Easter Eggs Everywhere (well...)

With Spring's official arrival and Easter just around the corner, many of us are excited to start spreading dyed eggs and fresh flowers around our homes. If you're like me, you started this weeks ago. A little over the top, maybe but with Winter melting away I have been anxiously awaiting Easter. I have made it a point over the past few years to start dying blown out eggs and making arrangements for friends and family. It's something I have loved doing and usually start in February.
When I lived in New Orleans I would walk around the bayou collecting stray duck and goose eggs (it is important for me to make two things clear; A) If you are going to go collecting eggs from the bayou only collect eggs you see randomly on the ground. Do not go into a duck's or goose's nest and steal their fertilized eggs! (Ducks tend to nest near the water in bushes and weeds. They will build a den with tunnels and escape routes to the water. Geese will build nests farther away from the water in ground nests. They then cover the eggs with grass, roots and plants. So be careful where you step and what you take.) B)I have no idea if this is legal. It is New Orleans and I'm sure many other people do this and no one really cares but if you get caught and it is ILLEGAL, we've never met.)
Making these baskets are relatively inexpensive and the supplies required (eggs, food colouring, vinegar and water) are, for the most part, usually in your kitchen. Each year I dye between 20 and 35 dozen eggs and with that amount if I cared what kind of eggs I was using and where they came from, the price would sky rocket. I usually just head to my local discount grocery and buy whatever is on sale($.99-1.50 per dozen.)I also search online and at local specialty markets for a variety of eggs. Goose, duck, pigeon, quail and many other eggs look great when dyed and mixed in with chicken eggs. They will make your baskets unique. Remember to search for these in advance because procrastination will lead to "out of stock" and higher prices. Don't worry about it if you can't or don't want to use them, chicken eggs when properly arranged are stunning on their own.
For the baskets I head to thrift stores and garage sales. Buying for any holiday is something I keep in the back of my mind all year long. If I'm at a tag sale in July and find a few great baskets, I'll buy them and stash them for the next 7 months. It's just better to be prepared than rushing around at the last minute. I use a variety of dyes and dying techniques, too many to list on this post but I do promise to share how-to's this week but for now just the supplies. Another thing to save that will be helpful later on are paper egg cartons. Most of the cheapest eggs come in foam containers (save these too, I'll explain everything in a dying how-to.)
Other things you will need and may want are different varieties of grass, moss, hay, paper shreddings and other nesting materials. These are items I accumulate from a variety of places (Dollar stores, craft stores, Walgreens, etc...) With the right eye you'll find much more than green plastic grass. You might want to glitter your eggs or add stripes or polka-dots. You might want to make them plaid or patterned, maybe even marbled. To achieve this, most of the time you will only need rubber cement, tape, stickers and rubber bands. Some of the other more complicated and elaborate eggs require olive oil, onion skins, pressed flowers and even silk ties. I find a trip to Staples sufficient to get a wide variety finished. The best tape I have found and I have tried them all, I tell you what, is Artist's Tape. It's basically like electrical tape but specially designed to form a tight bond and remove cleanly. It comes in a wide variety of widths and I'll buy one of each for several dozen eggs. Variety is key. Remember that and get a bag of assorted rubber bands too. As for stickers, it has been hit or miss so far. I have tried them all and it has really been trial and error. Some need to be removed immediately after being submerged, other's need to dry for a day and then be heated off in the oven but this usually leaves gum all over the egg. Try to find vinyl stickers (letters and shapes, remember the image will not show on the final result.) Unglossed paper stickers are not suitable for dying.
The only other thing you really need are dying receptacles. If you are using hard boiled eggs any waterproof container is fine but remember that the egg should be fully submerged to ensure an even coloring. I find jam ball jars are the best for dying hard boiled eggs. They're transparent so you can see the colors easily and they are the perfect size for a basic egg dye recipe. If you are using blown out eggs, the best containers are 3/4 cup ramekins (you will also need bamboo skewers and sticky tack, the white kind.)
Now go get all those supplies and meet back here to learn how blow out eggs and then the dying and decorating how to's. I am going to try to nip the flu in the bud with a nice citrus steam and some herbal tea.